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Well it's now on Red Carpet Books, a Facebook page that promotes indie authors! "Goats In Underpants" is now one of many contestants to compete in its annual contest. The more likes and shares it gets, the more likely it'll win! 

Like and share the book here! It only takes a few seconds, and as an added bonus, if you like it on Facebook, you can get a FREE one-character sketch from me! That should fit all your budgets perfectly.

So what are you waiting for? go forth and satisfy my bloated yet fragile ego!


PICTURES

-Single character sketch: $15

-additional characters: $10 each

-Black ink: $20 + $10 per add. character

-Colored ink: $40 + $20 per add. character

-black ink and color: $60 + $25 per add. character

-Colored ink and color: $100 + $30 per add. character

-Add plain gradient background: +$10

-Complex background: +$20 and over, depending on level of complexity

ICONS

-Non-animated: $20

-Animated: $30

Send money via Paypal to: omny87@yahoo.com

RULES REGARDING COMMISSIONS

-SEND ME A PRIVATE MESSAGE IF YOU WANT A COMMISSION. IF YOU LEAVE YOUR COMMISSION REQUEST IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW. IT WILL JUST BE IGNORED.

-Nothing over an R rating. Violence, nudity, and other risque stuff is okay, but I won't draw anything that would be considered pornographic or overly violent (if you're unsure, just ask me and I'll tell you). In addition, I won't draw anything racist, sexist, homophobic, or anything else of the sort. Again, if you're unsure whether or not your idea falls under these categories, just ask me and I'll let you know.

-You are not required to tip me, but if you feel obliged to do so be my guest.

-Once everything is settled and your commission is finished, all payments are to be made up front before receiving your commission. I know it sounds like I don't trust any of you, but I've been stiffed in the past and I want to avoid that.

-Should you change your mind on commissioning or something happened to me that would prevent you from receiving your commission (computer crash or something), you can either wait for me to finish or ask for a full refund.

-If you really, really, really want a commission from me but don't have the money, don't complain about it to me in the comments, and especially not in PM form. They will also be ignored.

-Last but not least, if you don't want to commission me and simply want to donate money for me as a token of goodwill or an attempt to seduce me, my Paypal e-mail address is omny87@yahoo.com.

                       

Alright, that's it! Just send me a private message and I'll get to work as soon as I can. If you have any questions regarding commissions, please write it in the comments section below.

Dr. Shriek!

(reuploaded because the original animation was too dark)
In anticipation for the upcoming Halloween update, I have created a new item for the Spy! He has eschewed the trend of shoulder-sitting birds for the creepiest of crawlies: The Deadly Decapod!


So go now! Vote, fav and comment on my spidery creation... unless you want to get eaten by the skeleton that's standing RIGHT BEHIND YOU OH NO IT'S COMING CLOSER RARRRRAAAAAGH
Hey, remember "Goats in Underpants"? I sure hope so; I only mentioned it like two days ago or something like that.

Well now it's now available for download to your Kindle and Kindle-type reading applications for only $1.99! So if you have a child, know someone who has a child, or possess the reading level of a child, than this book will be perfect for you!

For the last year or so I've been working on illustrating a children's e-book written by a dear family friend of mine. We've kept it under wraps until now, and it's due to be released sometime next week!

The book is called "Goats In Underpants"! It's a delightful and silly story with colorful and funny pictures; fun rhymes and other goatly delights for wee ones of all ages. So if you have kids or know someone who does, buy and download a copy for your Kindle, Nook, or whatever e-reader you have!

Visit us here on Facebook for more information!
It seems that whenever I see a photo of a girl in a skimpy cosplay outfit on deviantart or imgur or similar, at least two or three people in the comments will inevitably call them "attention whores", or some variation on the word "slut". They think that the only reason a woman would dress in a cleavage-exposing outfit at a convention would be to draw attention to themselves.

And you know what? They are absolutely right.

BECAUSE THE MAIN REASON ANYONE ANYWHERE WEARS A COSTUME IN PUBLIC IS TO FUCKING DRAW ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES.

Like, what, you think the shirtless guy in green body paint running around yelling "HULK SMASH" is trying to keep a low profile? Do you think that dude with the ten-foot sword and spiky yellow hair doesn't want his picture taken? Half of the entire point of cosplay is to show off your costume. Of course that's not the only reason or even the main reason some people cosplay, but it's a major factor.

And you know what? I'm gonna pull on my feminism pants and cry misogyny, because I have never, EVER seen a male cosplayer being called an "attention whore" or anything even remotely similar, even if they're exposing loads of skin. Oh, a guy with big muscles dressed as Kratos? Fucking attention whore! He just wanted to show off his pecs! I'll be he's never even played God of War! Put a shirt on you fucking SLUT! Did that sound like a completely retarded and baseless accusation that unfairly judges the cosplayer by what they wear? That's what it sounds like when I hear someone cry "whore" at a female cosplayer. 

Y'know, I'd even bet dollars to donuts that these same people would happily jerk off to scantily-clad female characters any other time.
Hey everyone! Remember that ice cream hat I made for the Pyro long, long ago?

Well, I resubmitted it to the Steam Workshop here, so now it's certified compatible with the game!

So go take a look, rate it, fave it, and leave comments!
Well, after five years, I've finally graduated from college.

Neat.
Anyone else find it ironic that American culture constantly mocks and shames fat people, while at the same time totally flips their shit over losing Twinkies and large soda sizes?
This video pretty much says it all.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1YWWT…
Hey guess what everyone: I've got a sketchblog on tumblr now! Feel free to follow it here.

I only started it a couple days ago, so right now there's not much to look at. But I'll be posting up random sketches, scribbles, scraps, doodles and other stuff there. Think of them as the delightful celery sticks to the all-you-can-eat buffalo wings that are my deviantART pieces.
I was just drawing something in my sketchbook while listening to music on my laptop. After finishing up a sketch, I reached over and hit CTRL+S to save my drawing before realizing what I had done.

What is wrong with me
So I was just recently informed that this picture of mine has been making its rounds on Tumblr. I'm not angry or surprised at this, of course. A lot of my pictures end up getting thrown around image-sharing sites, especially my MLP comics. But I would appreciate it more if they at least provided a link back to my gallery.

So if anyone else finds one of my drawings somewhere on the web uncredited, please inform them of where it came from. All I ask is that you not be hostile about it.
I recently discovered this PSA video about what it means to be a "real nerd". For those who have witnessed the recent trend of calling out "fake nerds", it's the usual arguments: you can't be a nerd if you're not out of shape, socially awkward, physically unattractive, and, though it's not specifically implied, you can't be a nerd if you're a girl, especially not if you're sexy.


As a self-proclaimed nerd, I ask my fellow nerds: what the fuck is wrong with an attractive girl calling herself a nerd? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware there was a test to take. You'd think this pudgy douchebag and others who think like him would welcome the pretty ladies into the fandom with open arms. But no, some people just haven't grown out of the "girls have cooties" phase. And people wonder why nerds are all stereotyped as socially maladjusted male virgins.

No no, that's probably a bit to harsh. I think what's really going on is that nerdy things were once a long time ago exclusive to nerdy people, especially computers- because back in the day turning on a computer was like trying to ready a jet for takeoff, and only the most reclusive brainiacs knew how to operate the damn things. Nerds, geeks, pointdexters and all the others at the bottom of the social ladder took to escapist fantasy and fiction in the form of comics, video games, tabletop RPGs, and sci-fi/fantasy movies to escape the social pressures from real life. But nowadays anyone with at least one thumb can operate a smartphone. The Nintendo Wii proved that you can sell games to anyone of any demographic with the right marketing. Everyone and their dog uses the internet. Comic book movies are more popular than ever, even to people who haven't so much as skimmed over "Archie". Having an affinity for "nerdy" things just isn't as special as it once was.

Now, to me, that's totally fine. In fact, I welcome it wholeheartedly. Every fandom is more fun with more people in it. It's just business after all; the more people you can appeal to, the more money you can make. But for some nerds, they see all these newcomers, these outsiders, these FAKE NERDS who are invading their fandom, the fandom they personally invested so much time, effort and experience in, and it PISSES THEM OFF.

And I ask you: Why? What are you losing other than some kind of "special" status? You're not part of some elite club. You're not a Freemason. You're just someone who really likes books and toys more than average, and for some reason, you've got a stick up your ass about other people not liking the same things to the same degree as you do. Here's a news flash, Dorkamus Prime: other people can like the same things you do for different reasons, and there's nothing wrong with that. A buff biker guy can love Spider-Man. An old lady can clear whole servers in Call of Duty. Your little sister probably knows more about Spawn than you do. In the end, it's all about toys. Either let others play with their toys the way they want to in peace, or pick up your stuff and go home.
I just saw the trailer for World War Z, and it's reminded me of something that has been bugging me for quite a while now: zombies these days aren't scary anymore, especially in films. The zombies in that trailer were pretty much indistinguishable to the humans, except in this case they traveled by either sprinting or by rolling over one another in a giant heap like some kind of goofy human sand dune. The one zombie whose face I actually got a good look at just looked like a pale, slack-jawed meth addict. Actually, scratch that: real-life meth addicts look scarier than film zombies today. Give me something that's actually scary! Or at least gross! Give me missing limbs; dangling eyeballs; maggoty flesh; exposed brains; dragging entrails; something that doesn't look like some last-minute halloween costume. I don't think I even saw any blood in that trailer. Zombies these days are so standardized that it's sad.

For that matter, why is it always a virus these days? Is it because it's more "realistic"? Well how the hell are shambling cannibalistic cadavers any more realistic? Fuck realism. The more sense something makes, the less terrifying it can potentially be. Why not have zombies be created by beams from televisions and computer screens? Or by wearing clothes with some weird new detergent used on them? Or from reading a book of dark magic? Something more original than the standard "aim for the head" slackjaws that plague our media today. And that's another thing: why should their only weakness be from getting shot in the head? EVERYTHING dies when you shoot it in the head. It'd be more terrifying if they couldn't be killed- slowed down, but never entirely stopped. Y'know, just like death itself (WHOOPS SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL SPILLED SOME SYMBOLISM UP IN THIS BITCH).

The other day I was at a sporting goods store, and over in the firearms section I saw a bunch of paper targets with zombies drawn on them. That's what zombies these days have been reduced to: target practice for the trigger-happy. There are many reasons why the zombie apocalypse is so popular- a chance to go back to simpler times, boredom/hatred of modern society, prime wanking material for abandoned building enthusiasts, but some are just waiting for the chance to shoot at a living human target without it actually being a living human target.  The movie "Paranorman" ruthlessly tore this particular slice of the fandom a new asshole in the second act (spoilers ahead): as soon as the townsfolk see the zombies arrive in town, they immediately gang up on the ghouls, ruthlessly beating the ever-loving shit out of them- not because the zombies were threatening to hurt anyone (which they didn't even suggest), but simply because they were zombies.

Which is why I encourage everyone out there who loves horror and especially zombies- don't always go with formula. Encourage those who breathe new unlife into horror and eschew those who stick to "what sells". Let's bring zombies back to life.
Hey, I just got a year-long subscription from :icondragonguardian253:! Now I can one of the beautiful people!

In other news, I'm going to be shifting my artistic focus more towards original artwork. For the longest time I've felt my non-fanart pieces haven't been getting enough love, so I'm going to try increase the quantity and quality of my own original drawings. Don't worry, I'm not going to completely stop drawing pony comics and other fanart, I'm just not going to draw it as much.

With that said, I'm also going to be opening all my current original pieces up for critique, so if you feel my drawings can improve in any way just tell me! Please be as brutally honest as you can when doing so, if you please.
Something smells good in that starch melon. Far be it for me to suggest that you have no idea what the monarch was babbling about during his busy weekend! Silly puppy. Tricks are for kentucky fried chicken baskets! Biscuits. Buskets. Melody muskets. My mother was so fat, she could free the slaves from here to San Fransisco and all she'd get was this lousy mouseketeer statue. What the hell? Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I Sean Connory's left man-tit? Salvation lies in only one thing: Marshmallow burgers. No left turn on Durn. Doopy doop doop, doopy doopy doop doopy doopy doopy doop doop. SHUT UP! What is wrong with you? I'm trapped in a factory that produces apple pies and all you can think of is taking off your hat, available at your local Wegman's for only 3,000 payments of not giving yourself an eyebrow plucking! Simple as that! What is lump? Rope is very trendy. If you're stupid. Damn it all, you can't fight influenza with a sardine and a song in your heart. You have to lightly stroke the spine of the book, like so. And behold, it was revealed that Hagrid was an enormous faggot, but everyone knew that. He wouldn't shut up about it on his Myspace page. I mean, really. Now children, I want you all to join hands, jump up and down, and hopefully that'll be enough to send you crashing through the floor and down every single layer of rock in the earth's crust. Except that one layer made of styrofoam. Don't know what that's doing here. Hey, you know what I've always wanted to do? Have a huge pizza dough fight in a giant, expensive mansion. That's one way to become popular. You know, if you like Goths. We need new stereotypes for a new generation! I'll start: Damn those jews and their pogo sticks! Well, that's one way to stop a moving van. Unbenownst to Jafar, the Sultan had no political power. That's Mr. Miyamoto's job. What, do you think we keep him around because he can cook a good salami? Because he can. Damn that's a hot fargo. Okay, would someone please explain to me why in the hell we keep all of our pine cones in the basement? They'll get irritated and dry! That's why we need all new Sponges with Orangey smelling stuff injected inside. Ooh, free candy canes! WHAT? NO NAPKINS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Oh that's right, you got that claw hammer stuck between the plates of your skull since you were three. Man, that party clown was vicious! My facebook page is hilarious! Unfortunately, all my friends are otters. How appropriate. Mango Tango Fango Bango. No, I'm not one of those rhymey-whimey flim-flammers who just make shit up on the get-go. No, I'm a rocketman, burning up small babies in a single bound. Watch, I'll do it right now... no, not while you're watching! You'll scare the kookaburas! Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a small boy was doing absolutely nothing of interest. Then his parents exploded. But don't worry, he got new ones. Those ones were boring and full of sarcasm and beans. Once upon a time, a fierce wind blew across the cavernous opening of Mr. McMonkeyMcBean's gaping chest wound. He should really get that checked. Then he married a tarantula and lived happily ever after. At least until he came out of the closet. Once upon a time, there was a little duck. He wasn't like all the other ducks because unlike the other ducks, he didn't like the bread that humans tossed at him. Also, he was the size of Jupiter. And he was a zombie. Once upon a time some fat chick named Wanda was busy windsurfing on an ocean of warm sulfuric acid. Suddenly she fell in. But don't worry, she was made entirely of sold concrete. Maybe that's why the prince married her. Once upon a time, there was a magical castle made entirely out of candy. It was swiftly eaten by picnic ants. Well, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, seriously. Get real. Oh yeah, and the ants all got magic powers and became the X-Men. Once upon a time a plumber named Stanny McSpammy was asked by the queen herself to unclog her royal toilet because the prince had one too many beef wellingtons and left a massive turd in there. Also, she somehow flushed her mattress. Stanny didn't want to do all that work, so he blew up the toilet and ran away with the princess, making sweet love to her under the apple trees. But then he realized that he had actually ran away with the queen's pet dog and first general of her army, Poopsie Von PüpenSküpen. But he didn't let that bother him. Besides, General Von PüpenSküpen made some damn fine scones. Once upon a time, a tired and shagged out norwiegian blue bird decided to play a prank on his master and pretended to be dead, leaving behind a legacy of thousands of American children faking British accents and ranting about dead parrots. But of course, that's another story. Once upon a time, there was a doctor with really bad gas. He would hold it in all day, every day during work, unleashing his torrential ass-wind at his house, where it would kill small birds and make every child nearby cry in pain. So the village burned his house down in protest, but the amount of gas he had made the whole neighborhood explode. Served them right, that one guy broke my lawnmower. Assholes. Once upon a time there was a slight delay on everyone's flights. Why? Because Dr. Topper, the Top of the Cheap Heap, had replaced all the pilots' coffee with baby chickens! Oddly enough, none of them noticed, and so Dr. Topper stomped on his hat in frustration, and later that night he masturbated furiously in his bedroom, crying himself to sleep. Or at least he would, if the giant duck-zombie from before didn't bite his dick off. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Nobody likes pre-faded jeans. Stop wearing them. Seriously, you look like a lesbian. Oh wait, you are a lesbian? Then what's with the mustache? Oh, it's in accordance with the prophecy, right. Once upon a time, there was a magical power outlet. Everything you plugged into this outlet would dispense good advice... but if you were to follow the advice, in seven days you would suddenly celebrate your birthday party! And the only present you'd get is a pair of hot wheels cars that have been chewed on by your retarded cousin Mickey. Seriously, why hasn't that kid eaten his own head yet? I keep paying him to do it but he never delivers! Once upon a time a flat disc was flying through the desert, slicing all the cacti in half. A young farmgirl, who was half-donkey, galloped up to the disk in its giant golden palace floating above the lake. She asked the disc, "Why do you hate cacti so much? Cacti are lovely plants that provide water and food to many desert animals!" The disc simply hovered there, and finally replied, "Well, the cacti are all a bunch of assholes. They steal people's cars and then drag-race them, and return them to their owners with the tires all flat and the radios all covered in piss and Slurpees. Some of them even go to movie theaters and throw cat feces in the popcorn while loudly announcing the spoilers to every movie except the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie (they don't watch those films because, unbeknownst to most people, all cacti have a crush on Theodore and they don't want people to accuse them of being stamp-collectors). Also, they raped my pet chinchilla once." The donkey girl nodded and said, "that's a very good reason. Keep up the good work." And then the disc chopped off her head. But what he didn't know was that the girl was really a pinata, and that the donkey girl was standing on the other side of the room. She was pretty pissed because she was gonna throw a surprise party for the magical flying disc, but now he ruined everything. But they got over it and got married and lived crappily every after. The end.
So the latest Cracked.Com article regarding video game prejudices got me thinking about video games and how they are mainly geared towards men, despite the growing number of female gamers out there. Nearly every video game character today is aimed to satisfy a male gamer: the women are all busty, lusty uber-models wearing barely enough armor to shield a hamster, and the men are all big, beefy brick shithouses bouncing around in a suit of power armor. When it comes to game characters, you're either Ms. Eye Candy or Sir Power Fantasy.

Now, I like playing the part of an unstoppable badass with a minigun in both hands sitting on a throne made of naked cheerleaders, but when that's the only option I'm given, it starts to become boring to the point of being almost totally off-putting. Getting a rich chocolate cake for your birthday is awesome, but getting a cake three meals a day every day for a year will make you want to strangle yourself with your own pancreas. Not to mention the obvious negative message it sends to its audience: "Ladies, you gotta dress like strippers if you wanna be as good as the guys!" Well if the pin-up look for lady characters isn't going away any time soon, why not balance it out with some sexy dudes as well?

So to all the ladies reading this, I ask you: what physical traits do you find sexy in male characters?
I think it's really fucking gross when people lick the cream off of Oreo cookies.